It started off with just James, my son, and I. It had been that way for seven years. Then I meet Jamie {thanks mona} who had two children of his own – Nathan and Gemma. We spoke of having a child together and decided to have ONE. It took a couple of months and we were pregnant, but sadly 6 weeks later we lost that baby. It wasn’t long before I was pregnant again but this time I was in no rush in getting excited or going to doctors.

Ten weeks pregnant,  I made my first appointment to see my GP who gave me a referral to get a scan done before I was 12 weeks pregnant. Jamie couldn’t make it with me but I still went any way I will never forget this day.

Emma called me in, she put the gel on and started doing her job. I thought she looked worried so I asked what’s wrong? She replied “You know, there is more then one in here”. I said “No!” I started thinking about having twins. “Wow”. Then Emma said “Yeah. Three.”

The first thing I wanted to know was, were they all alright? Emma said she had checked everything before she had told me, and they were all fine. She’d never done a multiple scan before so she had to leave the room to get Mark. That’s when the tears started. That’s when my mind went, “My god. TRIPLETS”.

Leaving the radiology I couldn’t stop smiling. But by the time I got to the car I was crying. I was happy, I was scared, I was having triplets!!

When we first found out we were pregnant Jamie thought it was funny to rub my belly  and  joke “ you know I reckon there’s more then one in here”. When I found out I immediately went to find Jamie, and because I was upset he thought something was wrong. I said “Nothing is wrong, but you know how you said there was more then one in here, well you were right”.  He looked at me and went “Huh? Twins!”. I laughed, cried, shook my head and held up three fingers. He said “Triplets! F!#king triplets! You’re joking!”

We got that alot. “You’re joking!”  Of all days no-one was home on this day. We couldn’t get a hold of our parents. We started ringing siblings and friends, but could find no-one. When we finally found everyone, they all thought we were joking. But everyone was so excited for us.

A week later Jamie and I went back to the doctors. I was still in shock, still couldn’t believe I was having triplets. I waited for the doctor to say something, but like most doctors they are very busy and she hadn’t even read my report yet.

She asked how I had gotten on with my scan. I told her to read the report, so she could read it back to me to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. She looked at me funny and started reading the report. I think it took her three seconds until she said “You are having triplets. My God. I’ve got goose bumps!”.

So I wasn’t dreaming. We were having triplets. I picked up my scans and showed my three babies off to everyone. On Christmas eve we went for another scan. This time Jamie was with me! We found out the sex of our babies – two boys and a girl  - ABC123. That was what we called them for the next few weeks, different doctors had different ways but it was usually 1,2,3 or a,b,c.

I’ve decided to share this wonderful experience with everyone and hope to help someone in a similar position. I’ve started my own website and I’d love you to visit me at Raising Triplets.

I’m not a perfect mum, and I don’t know everything, but having survived my first year with triplets is an achievement and an experience that I’d love to share with you all.

The other day I made a few calculations and realised that the four of us in my little family generate around $5,000 in gift purchases every year! This is based on an immediate family of 30 people (my husband’s and my parents, grandparents, siblings and nieces/nephews only). Multiply that by birthdays, Christmas and Easter and you get 90 gift occasions. Add Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Anniversaries and you have over 100.

Then add a conservative 5 friends for each of us and that’s 20 more birthdays. Throw in new babies born, weddings or funerals, add Santa Claus for our own children, and suddenly there are well over 150 gifts that I find myself organising every year!

Let’s say that each gift costs me $30 including card and paper… that’s a whopping $4500 each year!

In reality I probably actually spend more than this, often I’ll spend $50 or more for closest relatives. Break it down even further, and that’s probably around an average month’s salary each year JUST ON GIFTS!

What really strikes me about this, though, is that in 90% of cases the recipient could probably take or leave the gift that I have spent money, energy and stress on. Actually – if you apply a cost to my time and stress levels, I’m going to bump it up to over $10,000 per year!

What’s worse? It’s just getting more and more every year. We keep acquiring nieces and nephews, new friends, kids expectations get higher and so on.

Now, please, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my family and friends, and the last thing I want to be considered is a scrooge. And of course, the offset is that my family and I are given lovely gifts throughout the year as well, but to be perfectly honest, I would happily hand most of them back if it didn’t offend and meant that I did not need to reciprocate in the future!

I really feel that the giving of gifts has become a habit that no longer achieves the purpose it was once invented to do. Most of us are so surrounded by consumables that we rarely need more added to the mix! Handing over something that someone doesn’t want or need is not the measure of love or friendship. Turning up is! It’s your physical presence rather than your beautifully wrapped present that counts.

Of course there are exceptions to this rule. Kids birthday parties, weddings, Christmas. Deep down we all know when it’s about the presence or the presents.

Here’s a few tips and ideas to help you manage the art of gift-giving:

1. Have a box or a cupboard that is purely for storing gifts, cards and paper. Stock it up with a variety of birthday, new baby, boy and girl cards so that even if you don’t have a gift, you can always give a nice card with sentiments.
2. Regifting is absolutely fine – just make sure you stick a post-it-note on each to remember who gave it to you (this includes children’s toys, especially when they are given multiple versions of the same thing) and if it’s likely to be remembered don’t recirculate it in the same group of friends either.
3. If you buy newspapers or magazines, consider using the paper to wrap gifts. The reuse has a nice environmental touch to it, is quirky, and doesn’t cost anything. Otherwise, feel okay about wrapping gifts in leftover Christmas paper (if you’re anything like me you end up with more than a few extra rolls each year). Hand-made cards are always nice, and when you remember that most end up in the bin within 24 hours, why on earth would you spend up to $5 on something that gets a sum total of 45 seconds attention!
4. Consider making mutual agreements with close adult friends or family to only buy gifts for the children. And if you find your children manically opening gift after gift without actually enjoying any of them, think about asking some friends to contribute towards a charity that your child chooses instead. It will help them to value the gifts they are given, and will redirect the good intentions to someone somewhere who probably needs help more than your family does.
5. Take the pressure off yourself. There is usually no “perfect” gift, so just settle on finding something that is appropriate.
6. Visit or phone people just to say hello and see how they are going. I guarantee that for most people this will mean much more than any gift you can come up with.
7. When you find something at a good price that is ideal for a certain age group or person – buy a few of them and store them away! I can’t describe how great it is when I go searching through my Gift Box and find something that is ideal, and doesn’t require a trip to the store!
8. Use gifts as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with the recipient. It’s your sister’s birthday? Don’t just buy her a nice book and chocolates. Book her in for a lunch date somewhere nice – you both get to enjoy the outing and you get to spend time with each other.
9. Try not to set the bar too high. Go over-the-top on a gift, the recipient may feel the need to reciprocate… and then starts the cycle of over-done gift giving!
10. Get creative and unique with what you give someone. Bake a cake, make a CD of special songs, offer to babysit, give a one-hour massage, offer driving lessons, study support and so on. Think about what is going on in this person’s life right now, and try to find a few areas that you might be able to offer a service that they will appreciate!

What do you think? How do you manage the giving and receiving of gifts in your family?

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