Over the past few years, the giving of gifts has begun to spiral out of control in my life. We spend the equivalent of a whole month’s salary on gifts each year. The joy of giving has disappeared, replaced by a nagging sense of obligation. I am constantly running around buying things for other people that they don’t really want or need. It’s expensive, stressful and completely monotonous.
The other day I made a few calculations and realised that the four of us in my little family generate around $5,000 in gift purchases every year! This is based on an immediate family of 30 people (my husband’s and my parents, grandparents, siblings and nieces/nephews only). Multiply that by birthdays, Christmas and Easter and you get 90 gift occasions. Add Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Anniversaries and you have over 100.
Then add a conservative 5 friends for each of us and that’s 20 more birthdays. Throw in new babies born, weddings or funerals, add Santa Claus for our own children, and suddenly there are well over 150 gifts that I find myself organising every year!
Let’s say that each gift costs me $30 including card and paper… that’s a whopping $4500 each year!
In reality I probably actually spend more than this, often I’ll spend $50 or more for closest relatives. Break it down even further, and that’s probably around an average month’s salary each year JUST ON GIFTS!
What really strikes me about this, though, is that in 90% of cases the recipient could probably take or leave the gift that I have spent money, energy and stress on. Actually – if you apply a cost to my time and stress levels, I’m going to bump it up to over $10,000 per year!
What’s worse? It’s just getting more and more every year. We keep acquiring nieces and nephews, new friends, kids expectations get higher and so on.
Now, please, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my family and friends, and the last thing I want to be considered is a scrooge. And of course, the offset is that my family and I are given lovely gifts throughout the year as well, but to be perfectly honest, I would happily hand most of them back if it didn’t offend and meant that I did not need to reciprocate in the future!
I really feel that the giving of gifts has become a habit that no longer achieves the purpose it was once invented to do. Most of us are so surrounded by consumables that we rarely need more added to the mix! Handing over something that someone doesn’t want or need is not the measure of love or friendship. Turning up is! It’s your physical presence rather than your beautifully wrapped present that counts.
Of course there are exceptions to this rule. Kids birthday parties, weddings, Christmas. Deep down we all know when it’s about the presence or the presents.
Here’s a few tips and ideas to help you manage the art of gift-giving:
- Have a box or a cupboard that is purely for storing gifts, cards and paper. Stock it up with a variety of birthday, new baby, boy and girl cards so that even if you don’t have a gift, you can always give a nice card with sentiments.
- Regifting is absolutely fine – just make sure you stick a post-it-note on each to remember who gave it to you (this includes children’s toys, especially when they are given multiple versions of the same thing) and if it’s likely to be remembered don’t recirculate it in the same group of friends either.
- If you buy newspapers or magazines, consider using the paper to wrap gifts. The reuse has a nice environmental touch to it, is quirky, and doesn’t cost anything. Otherwise, feel okay about wrapping gifts in leftover Christmas paper (if you’re anything like me you end up with more than a few extra rolls each year). Hand-made cards are always nice, and when you remember that most end up in the bin within 24 hours, why on earth would you spend up to $5 on something that gets a sum total of 45 seconds attention!
- Consider making mutual agreements with close adult friends or family to only buy gifts for the children. And if you find your children manically opening gift after gift without actually enjoying any of them, think about asking some friends to contribute towards a charity that your child chooses instead. It will help them to value the gifts they are given, and will redirect the good intentions to someone somewhere who probably needs help more than your family does.
- Take the pressure off yourself. There is usually no “perfect” gift, so just settle on finding something that is appropriate.
- Visit or phone people just to say hello and see how they are going. I guarantee that for most people this will mean much more than any gift you can come up with.
- When you find something at a good price that is ideal for a certain age group or person – buy a few of them and store them away! I can’t describe how great it is when I go searching through my Gift Box and find something that is ideal, and doesn’t require a trip to the store!
- Use gifts as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with the recipient. It’s your sister’s birthday? Don’t just buy her a nice book and chocolates. Book her in for a lunch date somewhere nice – you both get to enjoy the outing and you get to spend time with each other.
- Try not to set the bar too high. Go over-the-top on a gift, the recipient may feel the need to reciprocate… and then starts the cycle of over-done gift giving!
- Get creative and unique with what you give someone. Bake a cake, make a CD of special songs, offer to babysit, give a one-hour massage, offer driving lessons, study support and so on. Think about what is going on in this person’s life right now, and try to find a few areas that you might be able to offer a service that they will appreciate!
